Back in August, I sat down with a notebook and wrote two lists. One was everything that gives me high vibe energy. The other was everything that gives me low vibe energy. It was a quiet little exercise, the sort you do on a Sunday evening when you're trying to get your head straight and then I tucked it away and forgot about it.
A few weeks ago I found it again. It turned out to be the most useful business energy audit I've ever done, and I didn't even know I was doing one.
What my low vibe list told me
Reading it back, the pattern was obvious. My low vibe list was all about tech and systems that don't work, poor communication, and people not taking responsibility for their part.
Then came the uncomfortable bit. That list described almost exactly what I'd been working in for the previous six weeks while settling into some new places. Clunky systems. Messages that went nowhere. Problems that belonged to everyone and therefore to no one.
No wonder I'd been feeling flat.
When your confidence takes a knock
Here's what I want to be really honest about. For a while, I genuinely thought the problem was me.
My confidence took a knock. I kept asking myself why things weren't coming together, what I was missing, whether I'd lost my touch. I'm someone who has run businesses, built a community and supported founders through some of their biggest decisions, and I still found myself turning it all inwards.
I don't think I'm alone in that. Many of us in midlife, especially those of us in the sandwich generation looking after children and parents at the same time, have spent years being the one who smooths things over. At home, at work, in every group chat. So when something feels off, our first instinct is to ask what we've done wrong.
Sometimes that's the right question. Often it isn't.
Is it me, or is it the environment?
The shift came when I flipped it round. Hold on a second. This isn't how things should be done, and it isn't mine to fix on my own.
That one question changed everything. Once I could see that the environment was the problem, I stopped trying to fix myself and started looking at what actually needed to change.
It also gave me the confidence to do something I'd been putting off. I said, calmly, that this wasn't OK, and set out what needed to happen if I was going to stay.
Setting boundaries in business doesn't need to be loud
I used to think a boundary meant a big confrontation. Rehearsed conversations, raised voices, awkward silences. So, like a lot of women, I avoided them and carried more than I should have.
What I've learnt is that the best boundaries are quiet and specific. "I'm happy to keep going with this once it's sorted." "This isn't the standard we agreed." No drama and no long explanation. A boundary doesn't need to be loud. It just needs to be clear.
How to do your own business energy audit
If any of this sounds familiar, here's the exercise I'd love you to try. It takes about twenty minutes and a cup of tea.
Draw two columns. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side, write everything that gives you energy in your business. On the other, everything that drains it.
Be specific. "Admin" isn't specific. "Chasing an invoice that should have been paid a month ago" is. "Clients" isn't specific. "Clients who book a call and then don't show up" is. The more precise you are, the more useful your list becomes.
Check it against your diary. Open your calendar for the last month and look at where your time actually went. How much of it sat on the high vibe side of the line, and how much on the low? Most founders I speak to are surprised by the answer.
Read your low vibe list as a map. This is the important part. What drains you in business isn't just a feeling to push through. It's information. Every item on that list points to a missing system, a fuzzy boundary or a conversation you haven't had yet. That's where your business is quietly leaking time, money and confidence.
Choose one thing to change. Not everything. Just one. Fix the system, have the conversation, or set the boundary. Then watch how much lighter the rest of the list feels.
Remember who you are
If I've learnt anything from this, it's that other people's poor systems, poor communication or poor boundaries don't get to rewrite who you are or what you're capable of.
You've built something. You've handled more this year than most people will ever see. When things around you feel chaotic, it's easy to forget that. Your low vibe list is a gentle reminder that the problem isn't always you, and that you have every right to ask for better.
Where this thinking happens best
Exercises like this are useful on your own, but they're even better out loud with women who understand. That's exactly what happens around the table at the Trailblazing Females Networking Collective, our monthly morning at Channel Court in Clevedon. If you can't always make it in person, TF Online brings the same honest conversations to wherever you are.
If you'd like to go deeper, the Trailblazer Accelerator is three private sessions with me, looking honestly at what's draining your business and deciding what changes first. It's rarely about adding more. It's usually about stopping the right things.
What's sitting at the top of your low vibe list right now? I'd love to know.
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Niki is a Fractional Strategy Director and the Founder of Trailblazing Females, a curated collective helping female founders over 40 scale with intention.